Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
