Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
