Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize