Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
