The best revenge is premature balding
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
