just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
