this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
