There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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