He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
