He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize