the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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