Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
