then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
