I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
