i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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