Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
