batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
