I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
