apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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