I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
