...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
