I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
