are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
