you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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