i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
