LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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