How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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