i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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