i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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