That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
