my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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