She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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