just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize