If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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