We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
