I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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