actually, I'm a sock model
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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