She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
