There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
