I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
