i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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