I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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