i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm too high and old for this...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
