Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
