I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
