this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it's great music for shaving your balls
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
