All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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