I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
