Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
