Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Randomize
