i barfeds in our rink
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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