I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
