i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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