I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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