Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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