Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
