how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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