We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
