Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
