Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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