exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
