We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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