so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
