dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
