I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Jerry, you need to find god
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
