I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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