Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
