Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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