i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
