i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize