Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
