got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
where does the pee come out of this thing
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Of course I have a pirate flag
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
