what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I want to fling myself into the sun
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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