haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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