I never want to see another naked old woman again.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
