I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
