why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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