You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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