No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
