P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dick very happy bro
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize