my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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