I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
