Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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