stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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