Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize