Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
