i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
