i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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