Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
