This is not my ceiling
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
