And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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