i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Enjoy the penises
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
