and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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